Anxiety is something that I’ve struggled with for years. I was recently told that I’m a fatalist. I had always considered myself “half a stoic”. Half, because a stoic imagines the worst-case scenario and then relaxes. I imagine worst case scenario and then my mind is stuck there in a repeating loop. So, when my friend said I was a fatalist, I looked it up and discovered that absolutely does better describe my condition.

I wasn’t always this way. Over the years, I’ve survived many traumatic situations, some physical and some psychological. I don’t want to talk about that here. Maybe some other time.

As of late, my anxiety has worsened. I didn’t know why at first. I’ve heard that anxiety worsens with age and especially with women, so I thought maybe that’s it. But I really didn’t like that explanation since it indicates that the condition is out of my control.

I recently commented on a blog post entitled, “Is it Downhill After 50(+) for Women in Horror?” written by Stephanie Ellis. As a result of that, I have now been included amongst a group of women horror writers over 50 on BlueSky and Discord.

(The rest of this essay can be read at The Horror Tree.)